The strangest interview ever?


New Member
I had the weirdest interview ever the other week, I traveled to London to arrive at a grey office with grey faces where the interviewer thought I was early (I was on time) and the second person taking the interview shook my hand with her wet hand.

Ironically, the day before I stumbled across a "How to avoid dickhead bosses and their games" type of blog regarding the little things companies do at the interview stage to see what the reaction would be of the candidate.

No.1 on the list was "shake with wet hands to gauge the client's reaction". I couldn't believe it when this happened! I just wiped my hand as she apologised and I said, "that's OK" and brushed it off as we all walked into the office.

Marvellous, I thought. We are now going to get the David Brent interview technique for the next ten minutes…

I was then asked, "Do you know how to change the colour of an object?" As the job was for a retoucher's role, I thought it was like asking a surgeon if he/she knew what a scalpel was?!!!

Actually, it seemed like the job was for a little bit of everything rolled into one kind of jobbie that are so commonly advertised these days by people whom don't seem to know what an Artworker does.

More banal questions like, "What is your passion?" followed and my blistered heels from the new shoes I was wearing were trying to make me grimace, and succeeded. I'm sure they thought I was frowning at their dumb questions, but actually it was the pain of my sore feet AND their dumb questions!

A few days later I received the typical form letter of, "We had loads of applicants and they were better than you blah, blah etc". I was so p!ssed off I sent a bitch-slap of a letter and finished it with, "Anyhow, I too wish you all the best in finding someone, as you need it more than me."

Totally immature I know, but I'm fed up with people wasting my time and money.

Surprisingly, I received the following email:

Dear Scott,

Thanks for your email.

We had no doubt about your skills and we thought that your multimedia background would have been a great asset to We rejected your application purely on your attitude, a decision which has been further verified by your email.

Kind regards

Geoff the Suit. note:name changed to protect the prat :icon_wink:

Anyhow, today I got a call from the wet-hand-woman offering me a contract to "fill holiday cover and to see how someone performs and operates during a one or two week period."

I asked her "Why would you employ someone who has an "attitude" as I wouldn't employ me if I had an attitude problem?" She became flustered and realised she couldn't answer my question and I finished by stating: "It seems you want smoke blown up your arse?" and hung up. I was training on my bike at the time I took the call, so my heart rate was 170bpm, by the time I had finished listening to her feeble excuses it was 185!

Now it seems to me by now that Suit 1 doesn't talk to Suit 2 at the office, so I sent an email to Geoff the Suit:

Interesting, could you please explain, as it seems I'm no good to be employed by Apparently, I have an attitude, but it seems I'm useful enough to "fill in" whilst a member of staff is away!

Later that day I received a phonecall from the Suit asking me if I would fill in for two weeks because they need a retoucher, pronto. I asked him, "How do you think I feel being told I have an attitude?" He then replied, "That I had no passion in the interview and I was not prepared." I told him that "I'm 43, I'm not 18 and straight out of college. I get up for work in the morning, do my job and go home."

Actually dear reader, I am full of passion for my job and take work seriously, but I was mightily intrigued what the next BS crippling excuse was going to be muttered from his lips...

Hopefully, Geoff the Suit got the message and replied, "You've obviously got too much attitude for anyone" and hung up the phone.

What I don't get is how desperate can a company be to employ me as they haven't been able to fill the role whilst their member of staff is in Benidorm? I wouldn't employ me if I had sent an email to the company slagging them off. The balls of it to turn me down for the job, but dangle the rotten carrot of two weeks work in an office I described in my email as, "I've never seen a room full of designers look like a morgue before. Quite an accomplishment!"

It seems as though this company has no shame in getting the job done. I actually believe I wouldn't have been paid if I had done any work for them.

I've worked it out that I've spent nearly £1500 travelling the country trying to get work only to be pipped at the post on each occasion. If companies are not interested in my work or there are better candidates, then I can live with that, but could they please stop the BS? It seems they time and money on their hands, but I don't.

I've worked at companies where they get prospect after prospect in to see if they can cut it, pay them a no/low fee to get their work done for sweet FA and then dismiss them on lame grounds. It sickens me, but it now seems the norm.

Has anyone else had an interview to top this?
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Fantastic post. No, I can't get even close to that (and work for myself so hopefully will never have to again) but thank you for a brilliant read on a Wednesday morning!
Nope, I think that tops everything I've ever experienced.

Quote of the day - "It seems you want smoke blown up your arse?" - Brilliant.

Good luck. :thumb:
Thanks guys :icon_wink:

I wasn't sure whether I should post my rant, but as I've only four walls to speak to and my Captain America statue I just had to get it out!!! :Cry:

Anyhow, it's a sunny day, so I'm spending a few hours on my mac and then going for a bike ride.

I may be poor, but I'm getting fitter! :icon_smile:
Have you got a blog? if not you should get one. enjoyable read!

Unfortunately, if I had a blog it would be about cycling as I seem to be doing more bike riding than design work! :violin:

Seriously though, I do an eight hour plus day at my mac and I'm going to be showing my work online soon. Pretty hard when the un is out though! :icon_biggrin:

Thanks for the comments to all of the above. :icon_hug:
I have had a whole array of interviews much like this.
My top quotes are...

'Have you used indesign before?' (obvously didn't read my CV at all)

'Well what we really need is someone whos really good at spelling and punctuation and someone who can write content for us' (I am not and WHAT?! I'm a designer not an editor)

'Hmm I see you have a degree in Fine Art...What on earth are you doing here then?'

'Well I see you know about typography, thats good but of course completely irrelevant' (Graphic Designer Position)

'Your very creative but the trouble is we don't do anything creative in our design studio so you may be a bit stuck'

'Hello nice to meet you do come in, would you like a tea or coffee?, Me 'Yes please a tea would be lovely thanks' Them 'Oh you want a tea? but we havent go any tea' Me 'oh okay' (The whole interview went like this)

I could go on I have honestly been to some bloody awfull interviews and half the time I'm just thankfull that theyre shit from the outset at least I know I dont want that job. But it still irritates me that I spent the time to write the letter, travel etc.

Hope you find a good one soon! :)
Having been self-employed most of my life I have only been on the other end - as the interviewer. Hopefully we were never as stupid as any of the people mentioned above!
But I did have one girl who was promising until she told me she was pregnant! As a small business employer I wasn't going to take that on! I have read some amazing applications - unreadable handwriting, appalling spelling, complete disregard of the job specification - didn't get to meet them needless to say!
When you're interviewed badly, depending on the size of the company you're dealing with, I feel the best response is to formally record the fact at a senior level rather than get into a spat with some underling with training needs (however tempting the latter may be): shaming without mocking might at least give the next poor sod called to interview a fighting chance.
When you're interviewed badly, depending on the size of the company you're dealing with, I feel the best response is to formally record the fact at a senior level rather than get into a spat with some underling with training needs (however tempting the latter may be): shaming without mocking might at least give the next poor sod called to interview a fighting chance.

Sorry for the late reply, but my Mac had died :icon_frown:

I agree with what you said Dave L, but the people who "interviewed" me were senior level

My job search continues, but I've more chance of a date with Angelina Jolie whilst I'm covered in chocolate and wishin' for a lickin'!!! It seems my life is controlled by Sharon from Watford who is an amalgamation of every office temp whom is "Doing their utmost" to get me a job in the graphic design industry. Reality is that Sharon, is more interested in Boyzone, her boyfriend Dwight (who is at Scunthorpe Football Academy for under achievers) and Saturday night at the Lizquid Bar than my CV and portfolio.

I tailor my CV for every job I apply for, but Sharon can't tell the difference between CS3 and CS5, doesn't know Quark from InDesign, an Artworker from a Creative Artworker or Shit from Shinola. :crazy:

In the past few months I have applied for shelf stacking at Lidl (over qualified) and as a toilet cleaner at the local shopping arcade were I was told I was, "Not qualified enough!!!" along with every other job available.
I even dug out a 10 year old forklift certificate I had (which is of no use now as it's out of date I believe) but I was informed that I wasn't Polish so I wouldn't be given the job!!! :help:

I've now ebayed my life and I haven't a pot to piss in. Me and the missus are selling the house and will soon be homeless. I've bent over backwards for my employers, worked the extra hours for little/no pay and done everything within my power to keep things afloat.
When I ask for feedback from jobs I've applied for, EVERY reply is different, so I can't please everyone.

I can't even sign-on as the missus allegedly earns too much! Feck! Have you seen our bank account???

Fuck it. One last bike ride. :closed_2: