Mr Crowe makes a good point about the uneven letter spacing, when using any font it's wise to try and adjust any spacing faults it may have. But as far as the look is concerned I can't say I like this one any more... in fact I like it less. Yes, it's simple - but it communicates bugger all. Hell given the option I'd take the original. I see what you've done, taken it back to basics, which I would have advised, but it seems too... I dunno what the word is... derivative? Basic? Generic? I'll go with generic.
Needs more personality
I know things might seem harsh in terms of feedback on this forum but that's the best and quickest way to improve your skills, get torn apart. If everyone said "oh it's lovely" then that'd do you no good unless it was true. Most of the people on this forum are professionals in their field and are well in touch with current trends and standards, once you get to a point where they say "it's good" you know you're on to a winner. Before that point, I advise you to take every negative word as someone honestly being willing to take the time to analyse your work and help you take it further. If you take negative feedback personally, you're in the wrong job. Even negative feedback is a good thing, it's when no-one even wants to comment that you should really worry.