It reads a lot better now. I really like the stuff in there, and the Queen thing, definitely made me laugh. That photo does the whole piece a bit more justice than the original one that you had in there. As if it got approved as official too, good stuff.
It is a bit risqué for sending out to agencies for critical feedback or whatever, but hey, risk takers normally come up with the goods. I guess, seen as it's your first year, I'd get it out there, to as many people as you can, then, evaluate the feedback for your second and third years.