I take everything I read online about being a freelancer with a pinch of salt, there's a lot of people out there writing articles bullshit articles based on opinion rather than fact or actual experience. There's people who position themselves as experts in a particular field, but really are just regurgitating content they've read elsewhere.
What sort of work are you offering for £50 an hour? I don't know of anyone who would pay that rate for a web developer, but someone who specialised in a particular back-end language, or a consultant of some kind, sure. It could be that you're targeting the wrong market, or under-selling your skills and coming across as just an expensive web developer?
To answer your question I worry about bills every single day. I currently have over 3k in invoices outstanding, which sounds fantastic, but I have to wait until the clients get round to paying them. It could be within a week, it could be 2 months before I finally get them all paid. Meanwhile I still have to pay my living expenses for this month, take my cat to the vet, put petrol in my car and furnish my home office (a priority, obviously :icon_biggrin
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I'm currently playing catch-up after a slow period before Christmas, and moving house after New Year. The money I had saved for emergencies has had to go on the deposit and such like because work was so slow beforehand. This 'peaks and troughs' effect on my finances makes it hard to budget for things I used to take for granted, like a holiday with my girlfriend. I have no idea if I'll be able to afford that holiday we talked about in 6 months time which means I'm reluctant to pay out for such things for fear of needing that money at a later date. Keep my home or go on holiday? I know which I'd choose!
On the other hand, I feel I'm in a better position than if I were in full-time employment. Sure I'd take home a wage every month, but job security is an illusion. I could be fired or made redundant at a moments' notice, and if I'd spent my career relying on an employer, I'd be in the situation where I'd be looking for a new job and likely claiming some form of income support to pay my bills. But because I work for myself, I never have to rely on an employer. If I have no work on the horizon, I go out there and find more. I've always found I can ask my previous or existing clients for referrals and chances are I'll get some work from them. Have you tried that with your previous £50ph clients?
The temptation to seek out full-time employment always looms, but I know I wouldn't be happy in a full-time position. And honestly the fear of having to pay for everything myself drives me on to work harder and accept new challenges. I don't think my career would be where it is now if I didn't go self-employed when I did. I'm learning a hell of a lot more about the industry than if I was sheltered in an agency 5 days a week.
I also take on agency work often when I can/have to. It's not as fulfilling as working for my own clients, but sometimes it's nice to just have to sit down and work through something. It's not always pretty or exciting, but it's relatively stress-free and it pays the bills.
