Can i have feedback

M

Mr J

Member
Hi Everyone!
I am just finishing off this DPS at the mo.

Tell me what you think and if you'd change anything?

Screenshot2010-11-17at153315.png


Josella x


hi again!
The new version
Screenshot2010-11-18at174336.png


I'v decided to tidy the left side as i want this to be the complex/focal point of the spread. I'v also completely scraped the text and sub-heads.
Any further advice from you?? It would be much appreciated
Thanks josella
 
Hi Josella, i really like the left hand side and the chaotic placement of all of the type, for me that works really well. Im not so keen on the right hand side to be honest. I can see what you are trying to do but i think it just looks too messy and cluttered. What about if the text on the right was all justified left, kerned nicely with correct leading so it looks clean and uniformed? It would make a great contrast to the left hand side of your DPS then.

At the moment the large spacing between lines on the top para looks lazy and the really tight leading in the body copy bottom right looks very messy and cluttered. (i am sure this is intentional, I just dont think it works)
You have conveyed the idea of confusion with the left hand page, I would prefer the right hand side to be tidy and uniformed.
 
just a thought, how about having continuous lines of slanted text coming from the bottom right hand side of the page, each line with a different gradient of grey to black. Just putting it out there!
 
A DPS of what? I'm confused? what is it for? If it's just a piece of subjective personal design then it's subjective and personal, and therefore neither right or wrong as it has no brief and therefore no design or marketing objectives.

It looks pleasing enough from a typographical design point of view - the balance and aesthetics are neither universally right or wrong as it is has no design objectives apart from looking nice graphically. As a piece of valid communication.....that's open to interpretation by anyone. Me... I like Caslon over Baskerville, so who's right and who's wrong? It looks nice.....
 
I agree with Dave. These things often work best with contrast which you've achieved with the colours, but since you've got this grunge style on the left, maybe a uniform section on the right would be more striking if that's what your going for.
 
If I'm honest it just looks messy to me, yes I know that's the idea you're heading for but there's messy and then there's artistically messy.

To me it's lacking structure on the left, which is what makes a design artistically messy in my opinion, and the right just seems out of place
 
I'm with the guys above here on this one. It's a bit arbitrary to help you out because a) there is not brief if it's a design project, or b) if it's art it is a subjective statement from the artist, ie you.

If you can tell us what your lecturer wants, or what you are trying to achieve (ie a brief) then it might help us to give constructive feedback.
 
The brief is to produce a book on a chosen typeface. (Mine being Baskerville) A3, Landscape. This is one of the double page spreads that will be included in the book.

The brief baisically states to design it in an expressive and creative way. (using only black and white.) by cropping and combining parts of the typeface and positioning it on the page in a funky modern way. (like i have already done)
We have been given text to position on the dps too, we can use as much or as little as we want, highlight/ take bits out, and have been told to experiment and take inspiration from the likes of;
Bantjes,
why not associates.
other examples;
experiment_of_typography_by_yienkeat.jpg
images-1.jpg


Therefore i feel i have matched the brief. I am just trying to tidy up the text as i don't want it to overpower the main piece on the left side.
 
Ok, I understand now.

I actually prefer the disarray of the first one above - it links the 2 pieces together with the trail of characters across the bottom, like someone had dropped them on the way to setting cold type on the right. Is there a way the two parts could interplay a bit more, to bring the whole spread together?
 
my appoligies
leelovesbikestoo- I don't think we can really piece it all together. i think they want the text to be quite seperate from the combined design. They are also wanting white space too, which i have tried to keep to.

Thanks for your help anyway
 
this ended up being the final :)
156751_474282770974_645625974_5871163_926577_n.jpg


my lecturer and an employee of 'The Chase' were chuffed with it.
so thankyou for your advice on linking it all together 'leelovesbikestoo'
 
Well done - I really like it :)

I wondered if you could have used some straight lines to help define/tie in the right hand text with your more illustrative text on the left?

May have helped to draw the eye and aid the viewer by giving them some subtle guides to follow.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top