Elderberries
New Member
Hi, I have been looking for the right place to ask this question...apologies if there is somewhere more appropriate, please signpost me!
So, I have been working on my first commission as a children's illustrator for around six months. The pictures are for a friend's book, so I won't get paid unless it makes money, but that's not so important to me because it's such a good opportunity.
I have always wanted to draw, but my life has been marred by cripplingly low self-esteem (resulting in depression/anxiety) - I never thought I had the talent to pursue a creative career. Now I am approaching my 40s and have realised that I will regret it if I never try (yes, sometimes this is referred to as a mid-life crisis!).
The problem is that drawing doesn't seem to get easier as I go along. The self-doubt, uncertainty and stress each time I begin a picture feels just as strong as when I first started. Each picture is a slog of researching, sketching, drawing and redrawing. I want to devote a decent amount of time to the project because it's such a brilliant story, but it just takes so many hours (weeks and weeks) to get something finished. Once it's completed, I rarely feel proud of what I have drawn, even though I've had positive feedback from the author and the family members who have seen my work.
So, I would like to know if others feel the same panicky dread when starting a new illustration: is this something that will fade in time, or is it an indication that I shouldn't be doing this? Does it seem like I am letting my lack of self belief hold me back?
Sorry about the long post. All (constructive) responses appreciated.
So, I have been working on my first commission as a children's illustrator for around six months. The pictures are for a friend's book, so I won't get paid unless it makes money, but that's not so important to me because it's such a good opportunity.
I have always wanted to draw, but my life has been marred by cripplingly low self-esteem (resulting in depression/anxiety) - I never thought I had the talent to pursue a creative career. Now I am approaching my 40s and have realised that I will regret it if I never try (yes, sometimes this is referred to as a mid-life crisis!).
The problem is that drawing doesn't seem to get easier as I go along. The self-doubt, uncertainty and stress each time I begin a picture feels just as strong as when I first started. Each picture is a slog of researching, sketching, drawing and redrawing. I want to devote a decent amount of time to the project because it's such a brilliant story, but it just takes so many hours (weeks and weeks) to get something finished. Once it's completed, I rarely feel proud of what I have drawn, even though I've had positive feedback from the author and the family members who have seen my work.
So, I would like to know if others feel the same panicky dread when starting a new illustration: is this something that will fade in time, or is it an indication that I shouldn't be doing this? Does it seem like I am letting my lack of self belief hold me back?
Sorry about the long post. All (constructive) responses appreciated.