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True Internet addiction

Discussion in 'Chill Out Forum:' started by chrismitchell, Mar 23, 2009.

  1. You Are Maliciously Internet Addicted When:

    1. You kiss your girlfriend's/boyfriend's home page.

    2. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

    3. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.

    4. You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.

    5. You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.

    6. You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular-modem and a laptop.

    7. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment.

    8. All you daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8... ISDN... cable modem... T1... T3...

    9. And even your night dreams are in HTML.

    10. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word

    11. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

    12. Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.

    13. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

    14. When looking at a page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

    15. Your pet has its own home page.

    16. You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos.

    17. You can't call your grandmother..... she doesn't have a modem.

    18. You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.

    19. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

    20. You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.

    21. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

    22. You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

    23. You don't know the gender of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

    24. Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.

    25. You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee.

    26. You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.

    27. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

    28. You tell the cab driver you live at Sedo Domain Parking - Sedo GmbH

    29. You actually try that 123.elm.street address.

    30. You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.

    31. Your friends no longer send you e-mail.... they just log on to your IRC channel.

    32. You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.

    33. Your spouse makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

    34. You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.

    35. You get a tattoo that says, "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."

    36. You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.

    37. You forget what year it is.

    38. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

    39. You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.

    40. You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind... the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".

    41. You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited".

    42. You turn on your computer and... turn off your significant other.

    43. Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
  2. Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark

    1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

    2. "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"

    3. "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

    4. "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you."

    5. "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"

    6. "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

    7. "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

    8. "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

    9. "Thanks for being a part of my life!!!I never knew what evil was before this!"

    10. "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

    11. "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

    12. "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine."

    13. "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike!

    14. "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

    15. "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

    16. "We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."

    17. "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

    18. "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

    19. "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

    20. "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday ---so we're having you put to sleep."

    21. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas)
  3. Kevin

    Kevin Senior Member

    Those are totally true for me :lol:
    (ok, just kidding on the first one >.< )

    And those are my faves :clap:
  4. tim

    tim Senior Member

    exactly same as mine :)
  5. berry

    berry Active Member

    online cocaine! You end up just grunting in monosylables as your eyes glaze over and you lose the art of human communcation.

    I curse the day my son signed up!
  6. oh damn Berry thats not good mate... Warcraft has ruined so many people's lives!

    I know many people who can't stop playing Warcraft...
  7. Adam

    Adam Senior Member

    I used to play Warcraft, then i finally saw sense and sold my account for £500!

    It really is a dangerous addiction. Ban your son from it now Berry before its too late!
  8. I completely agree with Adam, I would ban any child of mine from playing that online crack...
  9. Xenonsoft

    Xenonsoft Active Member

    Agreed. My business partner plays it, I've told him numerous times to sort his life out.

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