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The Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Chill Out Forum:' started by glenwheeler, Dec 1, 2009.

  1. glenwheeler

    glenwheeler Senior Member

    I'll start us off....What do you call a blind dinosaur?

  2. Krey20

    Krey20 Senior Member

    A man walks into a bar...

    ... OUCH!

    (I wonder how many rubbish jokes we'll go through before the edgier stuff starts creeping in?)
  3. glenwheeler

    glenwheeler Senior Member

    lmao! Just what I wanted Krey booya!
  4. sarah

    sarah Member

    What did the policeman stay to his stomach?

    You're under a vest
  5. glenwheeler

    glenwheeler Senior Member

    haha! Never heard that one before!
  6. A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

    The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

    The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

    The following night, the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

    The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and delighted by the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

    The next night, the pub is packed.

    In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

    The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down

    The next night there is standing room only in the pub. Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending. The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

    In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman."

    The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...'

    The rabbit looks aghast.

    The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

    The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it?'

    The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

    The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends? I know you'll love it!'

    'Ok', says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

    The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

    He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

    ...NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

    One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

    When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

    The barman says, 'Who are you?'
    To which he is answered,
    'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

    The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
    You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese
    Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

    The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'

    The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties.
    You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

    The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.

    The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

    'I DIED', said the rabbit.

    'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

    After a short pause. The rabbit said ...............

  7. Greg

    Greg Active Member

    Slept like a log last night...
    Woke up on the fireplace!
  8. sarah

    sarah Member

    Chris - :(

    such a great build up,... and then i didn't even get it :(
  9. peekaboo

    peekaboo Senior Member

    Slept like a baby last night...

    P*ssed the bed three times!
  10. Mixamatosis is a disease that rabbits get.. :( sorry you didn't get it :(
  11. Harry

    Harry Senior Member

  12. Renniks

    Renniks Senior Member

    haha But I read all of those harry :(
  13. Harry

    Harry Senior Member

  14. tim

    tim Senior Member

    gorsh dammnet my eyes wont focus on that joke page!
  15. tbwcf

    tbwcf Active Member

    What do you call a man with 5 rabbits up his bum?



  16. Krey20

    Krey20 Senior Member

    Good story harry, but the line just isn't worth it!

    What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

  17. Harry

    Harry Senior Member

    Oh I never promised a good punch line :p

    What's black and white and eats like a horse?

    A zebra!
  18. Krey20

    Krey20 Senior Member

    A few years back at the Star Wars Episode I Premiere the bloke that played Darth Maul assaulted someone in the crowd.... apparently the sith hit the fan.

    (I might have made that up, and I know it's terrible!)
  19. allyally2k

    allyally2k Senior Member

    What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals??

    Phillipé Floppé
  20. sarah

    sarah Member

    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick

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