Discussion in 'Chill Out Forum:' started by Stationery Direct, Dec 12, 2008.
These are hilarious
This is brilliant
Agree with you!
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.
Check these jokes, they are funny too:
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen," he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down, because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream -- I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says... "Where's my toast?
Well come to forum site.We are on the bus when you suddenly realize . We need to fart. The music is really loud, so we time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, we start to feel better as you approach your stop.
This is actually cracking me up! It makes absolutely no sense and I find that hilarious! Hahaha
It reminds me of the nonsense jokes my sister would make up when she was a kid and didn't quite grasp comedy.
Sorry I can't think of any jokes right now because I left my brain when I was hit by car.
I read that a fish tapped Donald Trump's phone. It turned out to be Hake news.
I think it is more a social statement regarding sky's monopoly on sports, and using two aspects of society ( Westminster and old people) as examples of two who may have never heard of sky...
You will need an Irish accent for this one
..........An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in'
3 drunk guys entered a taxi.
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the
engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We
have reached your destination". The 1st guy
gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank
you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The
driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk
knew what he did. But then he asked "What
was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control
your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
Separate names with a comma.