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The Joke Thread (DON'T READ IF EASILY OFFENDED)

Discussion in 'Chill Out Forum:' started by Stationery Direct, Dec 12, 2008.

  1. hankscorpio

    hankscorpio Moderator Staff Member

  2. hankscorpio

    hankscorpio Moderator Staff Member

  3. Nadin Broun

    Nadin Broun New Member

    Agree with you!
     
  4. Claire20

    Claire20 New Member

    Joke:
    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.
    Check these jokes, they are funny too:
    http://www.elistmania.com/25-dirty-adult-knock-knock-jokes/
     
  5. Mito

    Mito New Member

    "oldtimers"
    A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

    They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

    Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

    His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

    "To the kitchen," he replies.

    "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

    "Sure."

    "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

    "No, I can remember it."

    "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down, because you know you'll forget it."

    He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

    "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

    Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream -- I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

    After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

    She stares at the plate for a moment and says... "Where's my toast?
     
  6. susan maher

    susan maher Member

  7. reshyam

    reshyam New Member

    Hi Guys,
    Well come to forum site.We are on the bus when you suddenly realize . We need to fart. The music is really loud, so we time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, we start to feel better as you approach your stop.
    Thanks.................................
     
  8. @GCarlD

    @GCarlD Well-Known Member

    :ROFLMAO: This is actually cracking me up! It makes absolutely no sense and I find that hilarious! Hahaha
     
  9. Paul Murray

    Paul Murray Moderator Staff Member

    It reminds me of the nonsense jokes my sister would make up when she was a kid and didn't quite grasp comedy.
     
  10. helios

    helios New Member

    Sorry I can't think of any jokes right now because I left my brain when I was hit by car.
     
  11. wac

    wac Senior Member

    I read that a fish tapped Donald Trump's phone. It turned out to be Hake news.
     
  12. julslundgren00

    julslundgren00 New Member

    LMAO.... hahaha
     
  13. susan maher

    susan maher Member

    I think it is more a social statement regarding sky's monopoly on sports, and using two aspects of society ( Westminster and old people) as examples of two who may have never heard of sky...

    You will need an Irish accent for this one :)

    ..........An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.

    The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

    The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

    So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

    The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

    The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'

    The drunk again answers, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

    By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

    The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,

    'Are you sure this is where he fell in'
     
  14. julslundgren00

    julslundgren00 New Member

    3 drunk guys entered a taxi.

    The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the
    engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We
    have reached your destination". The 1st guy
    gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank
    you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The
    driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk
    knew what he did. But then he asked "What
    was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control
    your speed next time, you nearly killed us!" [​IMG]
     

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